The paragraph entries for Nathan Bransford's 4th Sort-Of Annual Stupendously Ultimate First Paragraph Challenge. As of now, there are 1,515 entries.
And I've read 'em all.
Out of 1,515, I chose 204 that I would read more of. That's a 13% appeal rate. The largest "issues" I noticed:
1) Opening with the weather. Start with a character and conflict. It's much more effective.
2) Giving away too much. Stick with action. Not backstory. Doesn't have to be bombs exploding, but it does have to be a character living, not telling.
3) No voice. Lack of unique sentences. Just words, not wordplay. A so-called "compelling read" is compelling because the writer uses words in ways that are new to a reader. We've read this a million times before:
His hands were like ice.
But this:
His hands felt cold as the dead goldfish Mom kept in our freezer.
This works because it asks questions. It's unique.
4) There were entries that started with action-heavy scenes, but the sentences lacked flavor. Action does not automatically equal excitement.
5) Spelling & grammar errors. Instant turn-off, especially for manuscripts that are supposedly query-ready.
6) Starting at a place that's typical, i.e. no conflict. If you do start with the "typical", you have about three sentences to introduce something unique/unexpected that'll keep a reader reading.
7) Some entries start with something disgusting, i.e. related to bodily functions or other ailments. Also a turn-off. Maybe that's just me.
8) Passive voice. As in "he/she was", or "he/she had". I'd say, as a rule, if you have "had" or "was" anywhere in your first paragraph (or even your first SENTENCE), take 'em out. And obviously, over-use of either throughout a manuscript is a no-no.
9) Saying the same thing twice in a different way. Never repeat information unless it's 20 pages or more later - but certainly not in the same paragraph. Trust me, we know. Readers are real-good smart.
Also check for repeated words.
10) Loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong sentences. Sometimes commas are your friends. And though most would vote against 'em, semi-colons can also be handy.
11) Starting with questions. Same rule applies to queries. It's annoying. Just get on with your story...otherwise I feel like I'm taking a test.
12) Passages that start with an exclamation such as "Ahhh!!!" or something similar. To me, it's like being yelled at for opening the book. Definitely a turn-off.
13) No adverbs. Like, ever. Thanks.
14) Characters whining. It's annoying. In general, starting with a character in a negative mood is less likely to win a reader over.
15) Exclamation Points. They stand out! And not necessarily in a good way! Cause everything with an exclamation point makes it sound like you're really excited! Your words should create enough impact without. Give it a try. See what happens.
16) You. As in, referring to the reader in your narrative. Asking their opinion. Involving them in a character's life that they know nothing about. It's a turn-off for me. Think of your opening like a museum exhibit. People are there to observe. They don't necessarily want to don a Pilgrim's outfit and take part in the display just yet.
Win 'em over with your words. They'll follow.
17) Some other random trends:
People waking up
People waking up tied to a chair or in other harrowing situations
"My father/mother/uncle always told me"
Airports
Leaving husbands/wives
Describing sunlight/wind (or rain, which I've mentioned)
Ghosts, ghosts, ghosts
People moving and arriving at their new house
First day back at school
Depression/suicide
People being called "crazy"
The main character has just murdered someone
Diaries/letters
Dreams (recurring or otherwise)
Pregnancy tests
18) Specificity works. So instead of saying "she read a magazine", try "She read Guns & Ammo". There's a huge difference. Adding in brand names when appropriate - especially if you make up your own products - shows that you have some imagination.
I recommend that everyone read these entries. It's a fascinating experience.
