Final Draft threw the Wall Street Journal down and picked up the phone.
First Draft answered, hung up, then called her back. "What? I was sleeping."
"Call Two and Three. We've got an emergency." Final Draft hung up and paced perfectly back and forth. She was trying not to panic. She was perfect. Everything was fine. She was ready to query. She shouldn't have been reading in the first place. Research was for first or second drafts - not her!
The doorbell rang. First, Second, and Third Drafts entered. First Draft had shaved his head, Second had decided to become a Gothic Murder Mystery, and Third still hadn't replaced his shoelaces.
"What is it?" he asked.
"I was reading the Wall Street Journal..." Final decided to pace herself. This was going to be a blow. "There was an article in there..."
"Yeah?" all three drafts said.
"Our darkness is too visible," Final Draft announced, then collapsed on the floor.
After an hour of fanning and smelling salts, she finally came to, and the drafts gathered around her coffee table for serious discussion. Well, First Draft went out for a smoke first, then decided he liked cigars better, and Second Draft got lost on her way to the bathroom and finally returned wearing a tutu and with a new idea for her ending.
"So what can we do?" Third Draft asked. "I thought we were ready, but if the Wall Street Journal says we're too disturbing then..."
"They are a distinguished literary newspaper...I think," Second Draft said.
Final Draft sighed. "I was about to query. This can't be happening. Third, you never edited out that scene with the clown, and Second, you're going to have to turn your vampire love interest into a lawyer or something. Someone normal. And First!"
First had fallen asleep on the couch.
"I thought we were writing something real," Third Draft said. "I felt like I was finally getting there."
"That's not the point, Third! The point is, we have to be perfect. Like I am. Or, like I was, I guess. I just want to be Light. You know, like a sponge cake. That's what people want. With vanilla frosting."
"Frosting?" First Draft finally woke up.
"I've always liked chocolate," Second Draft said.