1:00 pm Meeting.
"Okay, guys, we have a few things to go over. First, I want to talk about your weapon use in here. I think I've repeatedly asked that all guns, grenades, tear gas, tiki torches, and evil talismans be given to Chester at the security desk before you clock in. And I want to extend the no-weapons rule to your powers, as well. I don't want to see any more lightning bolts coming from your fingers, or zombie desk chairs, and please just use the microwave to cook your lunch. You don't need to do a spell."
"I know some of you are mortal enemies, but I really need you to work in a business-like manner while you're in the office. I don't want another Bob to happen. Those blood stains are not coming out of the carpet, and now we're going to have to buy a new one, as well as find another character to replace him."
"As for the draft, I think we all know that there was some confusion as to what version we were on and what edits had been made to it. Now I just want to say that I had to work over-time to try to get the new scenes from version 5 into version 7 and remove the old scenes from version 4 and put them back into version 2 - and I still have not found the chapter titles that Will worked on last week, so if you have them, you can just drop them off anonymously on my desk. No punishment, all right?"
"And I was hoping I wouldn't have to say this again, but please do not make personal phone calls to other dimensions from your desk phone. We can't afford it."
"I also want to talk about dress code. We're business casual here, and I guess I need to reiterate that tutus and/or bikinis are not appropriate business attire. Please do not wear dragon skin as a tie - it stinks. Shoes are required, and I would also recommend that some of you familiarize yourselves with the concept of deodorant. And to the people who haven't been wearing clothes at all because you think you're invisible - you're not invisible. We can see you. All of you. This is not the Garden of Eden, folks."
"Let's see...Duncan, you were supposed to be commenting on blogs this week and I received a concerned report about the comments you left on several of them that said 'I like cheese. Cheese is good. Yum, yum, more chees plz.' Care to comment on that?"
"Okay, moving on then. As for your reports on which agent we should query, I did not find it funny that someone here suggested we query Edward Cullen and say 'My book sparkles as much as your ass.' "
Thea: That was a typo.
"What about the suggestion that we query President Obama, because our book is going to change the world?"
Thea: I think that's accurate.
"He'll be thrilled."
[office manager smashes head on desk several times]