Oh, you didn't?
But I imagined that you did, and that's what this bloggie is all about, right?
(Note: do not use the word "bloggie" ever again because 1) it is too similar to snuggie, and you might get sued, and 2) blog is so much more sophisticated of a word ((except that it's the noise a troll would make while choking - but I'm off-topic again, aren't I?)) )
As it turns out, my doppelganger commandeered my existence during my week off from regularly-scheduled life, causing the following problems:
- Suddenly all of the male characters in my novel are tall with wavy hair; muscular, rich, well-dressed, and have smoldering, dark eyes, and several suspicious characteristics of [insert paranormal creature here].
- I own a turquoise corduroy jacket, which means I must be visiting Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory sometime soon...
- There is a contract on my desk to be the ghostwriter for Spencer Pratt's tell-all:
- All of my favorite blogs have continued to add brilliant posts while I was away - and she did not read any of them!
- Justin Bieber asked out Emma Watson instead of me, when doppel failed to reply to his invitation:
- Apparently you cannot pay your American Express bill with Monopoly money or a "Get Out of Debt Free Card".
- Dry cleaning does not involve splashing my work pants with martinis.
- Warner Brothers screens Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, and she rents Harry and the Hendersons & Sleepy Hollow thinking it'll be the same thing.
- My Netflix queue is deleted when she sees a much shorter line at Blockbuster.
Regularly-scheduled blog posts shall return tomorrow! Even if you didn't miss me, I missed you.